2016 Year In Review

It seems the theme for so many people's 2016 is Bye, Felicia & I  get it. You know, starting at the beginning of this year I felt that way too...but fortunately  as the months have gone on, sad was replaced with happy, old was replaced with new.  And through all of it, hope stayed alive and well.  All in all, it was a good year.  Not without consuming stress, grief, fear, lonliness and plans gone awry.  But full of love, beginnings, things working out better than planned and unexpected blessings.

January

14 posts and these would be some of the last about my sweet Spots alive.  We decided to move to a new state and our house sold in one weekend for $30k over asking and 11 offers - thankfully it was the same weekend we bought our new house! I got a new saddle (which is still sitting in my garage basically with handful on rides on it before being covered up indefinitely) and tried to see the bright side of things. I thought things were looking up after more injections...I lost all my baby weight and then some and #goalbreeches was going strong!

February

From the first day as a yearling to one of your last, I could not have loved you more

I said Goodbye.  Pongo's final vet visit at the clinic brought us terrible news.  Multiple navicular cysts on the left front and a huge cyst on the right front.  Hed already been injected everywhere possible, had Osphos on board, was on bute and still could barely walk while just living in his paddock doing nothing. There was only one fair decision for him.  I haven't cried that much, for so many consecutive days at a time ever in my life.  

March

Different set of cute, sassy palamino ears to look through.  Every time I went out there was really hard though as I saw a homely, grey horse thing shuffling around in Pongo's paddock instead of the majestic Spots.

We packed, I sold my trailer.  I morbidly discussed Dead Horse Tack Cleaning and stored all my leather away.   I sold a bunch of crap and tack.  I kept way too much for a rainy day.  I bought a riding backpack to wean myself off spending thousands of dollars every month on horse things.  My lovely trainer gave me lots of catch rides on her horse.

April

New construction...so much fun and so much work!

We moved to a new a state.  I didn't blog.  I didn't ride.  I navigated a new normal.

May

Always been a horse girl.

I wrestled a lot with my identity on all fronts, especially life without horses:

Logically I know that happiness right now is not owning a horse.  It's kind of like being so single and longing for that oh-so-bad ex-boyfriend.  I know better than that, I tell myself I know better than that...for now, at least.  But, knowing doesn't make it easy to shake off the want of that connection, that (consuming) responsibility, that sense of identity in my addiction.

June

Making a new OTTB friend...

I decided to explore the horse scene in my new city and visited the barn Pongo was supposed to live at had he moved with us.   I met a darling, smart mouthed trainer and her stable of fun horses to ride.  I realized that it's OK to feel like when there's no horses a piece of me is missing and that it's OK to just enjoy them in moderation vs. whole hog.  After 9 years getting on and off  the struggle bus with my beloved Pongo, horses became consistently fun again.

It's a good thing guys...a very good thing. This hobby I love so much, yet caused me much pain this year, is fun again.

July

I think actually was already preggers in this pic.  Good thing Evie is a very good girl!

I was riding weekly, wearing cute, new outfits that included the awesome TS Icefil shirts and JUMPING YOU GUYS, JUMPING!  Lots of different horses and getting my confidence and skills back.  Then...

August

Coming March 2017!

I found out baby #2 was on the way.  This is a YAY and a WHOA all at the same time.  Yes we were trying (tried once).  With Pongo I rode until I was 6 months pregnant but that was different.  The horses now weren't mine to be responsible for and God forbid I fell off and something happened the little bun in the oven.  So I told my trainer I'd see her next summer.

September - Present

I checked in a time or two to give y'all a Life Update and I am still reading all the blogs, buying dog blankets off Dover just to see the box show up and looking at horse ads all the time (why is everything cheap and lovely for sale when you're not looking to buy?!).  We love our new state and new life.  I've traded jump lessons for Gymboree classes with Cute Baby and I don't miss working full-time one bit.  I find the very part-time non-profit work I do from home very rewarding.

I still live in this daily, somewhat insane cycle that goes something like...

I WANT A NEW HORSE!  Oh wait, I have too much stuff going on in my life to own a horse.

I WANT A NEW HORSE!  Remember how much drama excitement horses are on the daily?  You do not have the capacity for that much anxiety fun right now.

I WANT A NEW HORSE! You quit your full time money maker job to be home with your kids, your husband will curl up in the fetal position and cry if you make him pay for a horse on just his salary.

I WANT...to lease a horse?  

And that's where I am today.  I want to lease a horse, I think.  Once baby arrives and we get in a groove with 2 kids we will see what that looks like.  Even a once weekly lesson on something nice would be tolerable to start.  

The sweetest goodbye.

Onward to 2017!

Party of 3...until March!