Life Update...
7/21/16....
That's the last time I posted on here.
If anyone is reading this other than my mother, thank you!
Come to find out it's hard to write a horse blog when your horse is gone and nearly every other aspect of your existence has undergone a significant change in the past year.
Quit my full-time corporate job after maternity leave.
Took a part-time non-profit job from home.
Sold our home and bought a new one in a new state.
Made the awful decision to put Pongo down.
Stopped riding.
Started riding.
Got pregnant again.
Stopped riding again.
And here we are. Truth be told, things have never been better...or more different. I miss Pongo today as much as I did in February when he crossed the rainbow bridge. I've gone through a difficult process of defining my worth and identity outside of being "the horse girl", an identity I'd clung to fiercely since I was ten years old, but I had to do it, I needed to do it.
It was no easy task and involved some serious come to Jesus moments/days/weeks with myself to reconcile and be OK with who I am now vs. who I have been in the past. I've learned that for me, it is possible to be a happy, interesting, completely fulfilled person without horses. It's also possible to be that person and still desperately miss horses every.single.day. They'll always be a part of me that I won't let go, hence the reason I still pour through all the horse catalogs I used to buy from and read all the blogs I still love.
So what happens now...well, I cook this new little human for a few more months, enjoy the joys of a new, sweet, adorable baby coupled with the truly inhumane levels of sleep deprivation that go along with it and in a few months post delivery I figure out a new normal that I hope, has horses in it. Probably just a half-lease if I'm lucky...that I think will be doable and scratch the itch to ride on my own, have a regular horse to progress with and also lesson on. Might just be one lesson a week if having 2 kids under 2 years old really is the pandemonium I've been warned about...
What I know for sure is that after the 9 years of Pongo's ailments and issues I was legitimately traumatized (for those of you who have not been on that entire journey, in the 9 years I had him starting as a yearling anything that could go wrong with that beautiful, sweet, talented creature went horribly wrong). I also know that for me, having 2 young kids and owning a horse is just not going to happen. Horses and children require an incredible amount of emotional and physical energy. I know I don't have it in me to give 100% to both or the bandwidth to handle both, at least not right now. To women who have small children and own a horse (particularly a boarded horse), you're amazing and strong...not to be messed with for sure!
Merry Christmas friends and to all the bloggers, keep writing! I don't always have time to comment, but I still love hearing about all your critters...Nilla, Courage, Annie, Simon, Roman, Bobby, Dilly, Windsor, Henry, Holly, Archie...the list goes on and on! You're what I read in the middle of the night when I have go to the bathroom for the 10th time and can't get back to sleep and what I read when I hide in my bedroom to regroup for a minute while husband takes a turn at parenting!
That's the last time I posted on here.
If anyone is reading this other than my mother, thank you!
Come to find out it's hard to write a horse blog when your horse is gone and nearly every other aspect of your existence has undergone a significant change in the past year.
Quit my full-time corporate job after maternity leave.
Took a part-time non-profit job from home.
Sold our home and bought a new one in a new state.
Made the awful decision to put Pongo down.
Stopped riding.
Started riding.
Got pregnant again.
Stopped riding again.
And here we are. Truth be told, things have never been better...or more different. I miss Pongo today as much as I did in February when he crossed the rainbow bridge. I've gone through a difficult process of defining my worth and identity outside of being "the horse girl", an identity I'd clung to fiercely since I was ten years old, but I had to do it, I needed to do it.
It was no easy task and involved some serious come to Jesus moments/days/weeks with myself to reconcile and be OK with who I am now vs. who I have been in the past. I've learned that for me, it is possible to be a happy, interesting, completely fulfilled person without horses. It's also possible to be that person and still desperately miss horses every.single.day. They'll always be a part of me that I won't let go, hence the reason I still pour through all the horse catalogs I used to buy from and read all the blogs I still love.
So what happens now...well, I cook this new little human for a few more months, enjoy the joys of a new, sweet, adorable baby coupled with the truly inhumane levels of sleep deprivation that go along with it and in a few months post delivery I figure out a new normal that I hope, has horses in it. Probably just a half-lease if I'm lucky...that I think will be doable and scratch the itch to ride on my own, have a regular horse to progress with and also lesson on. Might just be one lesson a week if having 2 kids under 2 years old really is the pandemonium I've been warned about...
What I know for sure is that after the 9 years of Pongo's ailments and issues I was legitimately traumatized (for those of you who have not been on that entire journey, in the 9 years I had him starting as a yearling anything that could go wrong with that beautiful, sweet, talented creature went horribly wrong). I also know that for me, having 2 young kids and owning a horse is just not going to happen. Horses and children require an incredible amount of emotional and physical energy. I know I don't have it in me to give 100% to both or the bandwidth to handle both, at least not right now. To women who have small children and own a horse (particularly a boarded horse), you're amazing and strong...not to be messed with for sure!
Merry Christmas friends and to all the bloggers, keep writing! I don't always have time to comment, but I still love hearing about all your critters...Nilla, Courage, Annie, Simon, Roman, Bobby, Dilly, Windsor, Henry, Holly, Archie...the list goes on and on! You're what I read in the middle of the night when I have go to the bathroom for the 10th time and can't get back to sleep and what I read when I hide in my bedroom to regroup for a minute while husband takes a turn at parenting!
As a mom of 3 and owner of 2 horses - 8yo son and 4yo twins, let me assure you that it does get easier... and harder... easier because my kids are older and don't need constant adult intervention, but harder because they want to DO stuff now and don't take naps, unless forced, lol... however, I wish I could board them out to take away some of that day to day time consuming care of said beasties! Plus, then I'd have a covered arena to ride in and wouldn't just have free loaders half of the year!
ReplyDeleteThat IS encouraging! You have your hands full, but I'm sure your heart is really full too. Thank you for commenting and reaffirming not just my mom reads my blog anymore ;) Thank goodness my toddler still naps a solid 2-3 hours at the same time every day...it's my sanity.
DeleteIt's nice to hear from you. Congratulations on baby #2 and Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteThank you and Merry Christmas to you too!
DeleteLife does change. I took some time away from horses when the kids were small - I just took lessons. It will get easier. And if you want it to happen you can make it work.
ReplyDeleteYou're 100% right! That's the beauty of the passion, it's always there waiting for you pick back up. That's what I love about it so much.
DeleteI know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to handle both children and horses, which is one of the many reasons I have no desire to have kids haha. But people who can juggle both are pretty darn amazing :) Hopefully you'll get there again!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Good you know yourself so well! I think it's a season for sure, eventually they'll go to school and they'll be a bit more time for ponies for me. Before kids I couldn't really imagine being fully happy without horses in my life. It's surprised me that I can say I 100% am. Yesterday I was at gymboree play class with my son and stopped to think I was having just as much fun playing with him as I ever did at the barn playing with ponies. It's cool how life can work out that way and passions can change. However, when I go to a barn or smell horse I am swept away and turn into mush that I miss them tons!
DeleteWhen my son was small and taking dependable naps (that ended at age 2, unfortunately), I rode when he was asleep – but I wasn't pregnant again! I hung onto a horse (at home) through thick and thin for my own sanity, but definitely throttled way back, especially on the competitive side. Now I feel accomplished if I get to one show a YEAR – ha! I have asked God often over the years if I was supposed to let go of having a horse, but so far He has said it's okay at this throttled back level. Go where He leads; I know that YOU know that is the only safe path.
ReplyDeleteYes! The goals in and out of the barn sure seem to change once you have kiddos! Love the blessings God's given and know there is a season for everything!
DeleteCongrats on #2! Not to be one of those but you are in for it with 2. It seems like not too many years ago I was in your shoes with 2 under 2. Good news is you will survive ;) I was crazy enough I still went for 3, 3 and under. You have a great perspective. This is a season. You are right to fully embrace and enjoy this time. Because while you're right the horse thing will be where you left it. Kids on the other hand have a way of growing up. You don't want to miss that!
ReplyDeleteHahah...oh I KNOW you KNOW! 3 under 3...that's still up for debate! Appreciate your perspective <3
DeleteCongrats on the 2nd bun in the oven ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Enjoy your 4-legged Luna baby <3
DeleteI'm glad you're still reading even if you're not writing. Congrats on the second baby. Have a Happy Christmas!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much and congrats on your new four-legged ADORABLE mustang!
DeleteIt's so good to hear from you! Congrats on kiddo #2 and happy holidays to your entire family ❤️️
ReplyDeleteThank you!!! Happy Holidays!
DeleteCongratulations! When are you due? I can totally relate! I'm due with baby #3 in February and stopped riding the horse I help exercise when I was too sick to do anything. It's so true what you say: 100% in love with my life but also completely miss horses! God has really humbled me to his timing and being content in the season I'm in. Don't let people scare you about two under two, though! My girls are 18 months apart. They are 4.5 and 3 now. Of course it is hard having them close, but we have also had so much fun when they were little! You can do it! Horse girls are tough, plus you have Jesus on your side ;-) Best of luck and I hope you update your blog once in awhile. I always wonder about my favorite bloggers who fade out! (Of course I haven't written on my own blog in at least 4 years!) We have to live vicariously through other horsey people for awhile, right?
ReplyDeleteEnd of March! So soon! Baby #3 good for you! Mine will be 20 months apart. Amen to having Jesus on my side, truly my strength and how I find joy in each day no matter how tough. He is good! I will keep updating when there's something to say...few and far between these days, but thank you for still reading and good luck with your 3rd tri, delivery and newborn phase!!! I will pray it all goes smoothly <3
Delete