A Thousand Words...
"A picture is worth a thousand words"
That's the sentiment which sums up my favorite picture of 2016.
This picture says everything about everything in my heart this year.
This picture was taken the morning that my horse passed away...the second hardest day of 2016...
The first hardest day of 2016 was a few days earlier when I actually left him at the clinic after his final diagnosis. As I drove away I flat out had no idea if I had it in me to go up and say goodbye to him again. We left him at the clinic after that exam so he could be comfortably medicated since his shoes had been pulled for his navicular xrays and his feet were really sore...and the final decision of what would happen next had been scheduled.
Pongo lived his last 2 days in a cozy, deeply bedded stall. He'd already had several lovely weeks with me at home prior grazing on lush, green grass and being loved on. I felt no remorse that he never came home after that last appointment in Oakdale, he left this earth with many recent, happy, grass grazing, sun shining days in his wake...just being a horse loved by a girl and for that ending I am so grateful.
This picture was taken by my husband. I saw pure, selfless love through this process. I already knew he was incredible, but his support during this time was...well...there are just zero words. He was one of the few people in my life that got it. That felt the pain I felt, the loss I felt. He understood it was more than losing a pet, we lost a family member. He was there as Pongo took his final breath, a moment my heart could not handle being a part of. I knew that was OK though because Pongo loved my husband too, they had their own special friendship. I know Pongo understood he was safe and with family at the end.
This picture is my baby's hand. This represents the transition that's been going on. From horse girl, to wife, to mommy. From doing everything that was fun and good and hard for myself to doing what was fun and good and hard and in the best interest of others (which incidentally was also in my my best interest too).
This picture represents an ending and a beginning. Consuming saddness and blessings. Absolute disappointment in what could have been but was not meant to be. Freedom to focus on others who needed me to be more present & available in their lives.
It also represents love. A girl and her horse. A husband and his wife. A momma and her baby.
It represents trust in a big God and a good plan. A small piece of a bigger picture.
A thousand words...and in this picture, my whole heart is summed up in this one moment.
Oh dear girl, I know exactly how you feel...we put so much of ourselves into our relationships with our horses. So very much of who we are, and who we hope to be. Only those who truly love the horse, can ever fully understand that awesome and trusting relationship. I had to say good-bye to my old girl earlier this month. She was close to 35 years old, and I'd had her for nearly 28 years. She was my best horse ever. I've loved them all, but she was so perfect. I never once had a frightened moment, never doubted her trustworthiness, or her good sense in any situation. I trusted her completely, and have never had so much fun riding any other horse. She was my gift and a huge blessing in my life. I am so thankful for being entrusted with her care, and for getting to love her. She had a wonderful life and it was her time, but we always hurt deeply when we lose a loved one. We weren't meant to experience death, it never was part of God's original plan. I am so happy that you had Pongo in your life and only wish that he could have been a part of your family for many more years to come. It's all the more tragic when they don't get to live to a ripe old age. He could have taught your son so much. But I believe that as their caretakers, we have to do the responsible thing when they're in pain, or are sick. We have to put our feelings aside, and do what's best for them. They truly do live in the moment. No plans for the future, no wistful dreams, they only know what's right now. And because of that, Pongo's world was painful. You showed him the greatest act of love and kindness by putting him first, and letting him go to his rest. God knows how much that hurts, and he will bless you for it. Like you said, for whatever reason, your time and love must be needed more with your family right now. Big hugs from me to you. Hope 2017 will be wonderful, and hopeful that horses will again, be in your future.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your beautiful words. I know you know <3 So many good ones (old and young) were taken in 2016, too many. What you said was exactly what I held onto during the tough days...they live in the moment. His moments were good and he went in peace. That's really all you can hope for.
DeleteI wish I had this sort of photo from when my horse passed away. It's heartbreaking when they leave us too soon. Like you, my husband was amazing and I'm not sure I could have survived without him. My heart goes out to you- not in pity but in understanding.
ReplyDeleteMy husband took it all on his own and showed me the night after Pongo passed on. Just him thinking to capture it makes me choke up with love. Thank you for your sweet comment!
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